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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/27624166">Flower written confessions</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/oofen_flugen/pseuds/oofen_flugen'>oofen_flugen</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>choir of the not quite forgotten [4]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Banana Fish (Anime &amp; Manga)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Ash Lynx Goes to Japan, Ash Lynx Lives, Eiji has a bad past and needs appreciation, Fluff and Angst, Love Confessions, M/M, Mutual Pining, One Shot, Realizations, These two idoits are in love, They will be happy godammit, hand holding</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-11-19</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-11-19</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-06 16:42:46</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,866</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/27624166</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/oofen_flugen/pseuds/oofen_flugen</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>It's been two years. Two years since Ash and Eiji saw each other. Two years of their own feelings of abandonment, and their own struggles with the past. But two years could never break their bond, a bond that they both know goes further than friendship. </p>
<p>*can be read as a standalone*</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Ash Lynx/Okumura Eiji</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>choir of the not quite forgotten [4]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/1960021</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>3</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>89</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Flower written confessions</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>The gardens were isolated in their own way- stone walls on all sides, with clear cut paths and the faint glow of the city in the distance, and yet the air was refreshing enough that Eiji allowed his shoulders to fall in a defeated slump. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>He knew he was just buying himself time- before their attackers came again before he faced his mom again, and before Ash finally caught up to him. Eiji had always been fascinated with ice skaters. Something about the smooth movements on something as perilous as the ice, something about the way their lips curled into a smile without a trace of the frostbite Eiji had come to expect, something was entrancing about the faded music and graceful jumps. The one time he’d driven himself on a whim to an ice rink he halted at the entrance and left after a few moments. If he learned how to move as smoothly as they did, maybe he would have to act the same way too. Graceful and poised. He knew the ice would crack soon, and the warning signs were in the patted footsteps of Ash. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Eiji?” </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Eiji didn’t even turn. The stars were beginning to poke out in the sky, the sun created unnatural hues on the horizon. He hated the silence, at least he should have. He’d spend hours alone in the apartment in New York, looking over busy streets. Even the music that he put on seemed to get drowned out in the absolute nothingness. He hated the way his heart stopped and filled with flower petals at the interruption of the silence. Eiji should have hated the silence after months and months of living devoid of sound, but for some reason, each shared glance and gesture making up for words was enough for Eiji to love it. Maybe it was just Ash. It all tied back to jade eyes and cocky smirks some way or another. “Hm?”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Stop walking for a sec.” </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>A concerned glance met him, and yet still greeted him with a small smile. The air was cold, and Eiji could see Ash’s breath cling in the air before fading into the background. Eiji spent his childhood trying to capture the mist in his hands, convinced that they were pieces of ice that with enough concentration could be captured in small hands and saved from its own disappearance. Subconscious or not, Eiji noticed the few short inches that separated them. “Yeah?”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“We need to talk.” </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“We’re talking now,” Eiji mused, chuckling under his own breath as Ash rolled his eyes. Eiji’s family was never sarcastic enough for him to truly feel the connection that it gave. The mutual understanding of something is not clearly stated. Ash looked proud at every snappy comment Eiji had ever given, always joking about his own bad influence. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Ash flicked his head to the side, pouting before giving up the facade and prancing back up to Eiji’s side, leading for a few steps before they walked almost in synchrony. “You can be fucking annoying sometimes, you know that?”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Great minds think alike.” Ash nodded, one hand raised and moving towards the flannel tied at his waist before deciding the effort was futile and letting his hand fall back at his side. He never wore a coat unless Eiji forced him. ‘It restricts your movements.’ Eiji gave one glare and Ash begrudgingly shrugged on the flannel before shoving his hands into the back pockets of his jeans. They walked for a few seconds- memories of late-night runs for takeout when Ash declared he wanted junk food and not whatever healthy concoction that Eiji had cooked earlier, flowing through Eiji's mind. The obvious discomfort was painted across Ash’s face. He never showed it outright. It was written in the ways his eyebrows furrowed a bit more than usual and glances fixed ahead without any true target.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Ash?” Eiji tried. Panic settled back in after a pause where Ash’s gaze was still caught in his own head. He opened his mouth to try again when Ash spoke quickly and in one syllable: “Will it go back to normal?”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“To be fair our normal was running from danger, so in that case…” Eiji looked back only to see downcast eyes, before glancing back up to the sky with an inhale. “I don't think it will ever be normal.” Ash chuckled disparagingly beside him, but Eiji cut him off with a sharp tone “because there is no normal. It’s not the same, and I doubt it ever will be. But that doesn’t mean we still can’t be happy.” Eiji missed the way his muscles would ache with hours of smiles and laughs given to the world, but he felt the same familiar pull again and saw it mirrored in Ash. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I guess you’re right.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Of course I am, you just are too stubborn to listen.” Eiji bumped his shoulders into Ash’s jokingly but felt the absence the moment they disconnected. When no retort came, Eiji stopped walking seeing the hung head that rested on Ash’s shoulders. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Eiji,” Ash started almost nervously. Ash was never nervous. The anticipation was turned into frantic typing and late nights, but never soft words and humbled posture. “You meant it right? That you’d-,” he stopped as if a marionette string forced his head to greet Eiji again, “you’d always be by my side.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Of course Ash,” Eiji replied, quickly enough that it surprised even himself. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Ash looked startled and stood with wide eyes. Eiji wanted to bring himself to hate the green seas that always seemed to entrance him. Ash had been hurt so many times on the account of his appearance, that finding beauty in it felt manipulative. But, in the setting sun with gentle highlights and gleaming eyes Eiji had to admit that Ash was beautiful, a beauty that would never be confined in a painting, but rather in the inflection of each carefully picked word. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I-” </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Eiji reached out instinctively and held Ash’s hands in his own, rubbing gentle circles into his palms. He glanced for confirmation, and Ash leaned into the touch. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“It’s weird to see you stumble over your words.” Eiji’s breath caught in the air, and yet Ash still kept his eyes cemented into the ground. “Ash?”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“God, I’m so selfish.” Eiji wanted to respond, but Ash’s tone carried a finality to it. He spoke with perfect diction. He always spoke clearly and sharply, avoiding any slurred syllables unlike everyone else in America, nodding at each informal and uncommon sentence that Eiji could piece together and add his own retort as quickly as it had been said. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I hid from you for so long.” This was such a commonplace for Ash. An irrefutable statement that snowballed until he was barely consolable. Eiji admired and appreciated the vulnerability, but hated the mental turmoil that he was able to see so clearly. “And yet, I still just want to be here. With you.” </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Oh</span>
  </em>
  <span>. He looked so much freer. He didn’t look sorry. Not in the way of disinterest or disregard for the world. How long had he been denying it? How long had both of them been? Eiji knew that he missed Ash. He knew that Ash’s absence had shaken him to his core. He knew he would do anything to see him again. He blamed it on having an attachment that had no right to stay at his side. Eiji’s family was forced to be around him, anyone he had ever met was because of proximity. Even when Eiji had put Ash and Skip in danger, Ash still stayed at his side. Ash had risked his own safety because he wanted Eiji around, and Eiji would do the same. Even with every other blatant expression of whatever bond they had, this one still felt different. Maybe it was the time apart, maybe it was the way Eiji’s hair collected at the nape of his neck, and the way neither of them waited for situations to keep them together. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Maybe,” Eiji proposed, squeezing Ash’s hands gently, before intertwining their fingers. “We can both be selfish. We’ve earned it right? ‘Cause I still want to be here.” Eiji paused, keeping an intense glare on Ash. “With </span>
  <em>
    <span>you</span>
  </em>
  <span>.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Eiji watched the way Ash swallowed and bowed his head for a second before the shit-eating grin crossed his face again. “Do you have a girlfriend onii-chan?”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Eiji laughed and tried to mimic the same teasing tone. “Do you still hate pumpkins stupid American?”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Of course. Those things are evil.” </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Then two things haven’t changed,” Eiji declared. That conversation on Halloween felt so far away. He doubted Yut Lung had any cheap beer cans in the lavish building. They were the only things missing. The rest was there- a cold night, with the rest of the city asleep, and relaxed conversations with an edge of tension that seemed to follow the peaceful moments. Any fear Eiji held onto about his family and the organization hunting them vanished, if only for the night. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Eiji had always been confused as to why Ash had asked about a lover in Japan out of the blue, but now he got it. It was a plea that it could just be them. It was a plea for no more broken hearts and souls. Sing had urged him to date, claiming it would help him move on from Ash, but there was no way Eiji could do that. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Eiji looked down at their clasped hands and smiled. “It’s you,” he said finally. “You know it’s always been you, even if it’s not our same ‘normal.’ Even if it’s been two years. It’ll always be you.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Ash’s hands shook beneath his and Eiji could practically feel the way Ash’s breath hitched in his throat. “Eiji… I-” Every long night and every loss was portrayed in the tears that collected in Ash’s eyes. Eiji was always conflicted. If he could go back and stop every terrible event that had happened to Ash, would he? It was only because of his life that he was able to meet the American who tried his temper and who made him feel human. He decided if could erase Ash’s pain he would, but even if the threads of fate were severed and torn, Eiji would never forget him. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“You do not have to say anything Aslan,” Eiji whispered softly. “You being here is enough.” He raised one hand tentatively, before wiping Ash’s tears. Ash caught Eiji’s hand and brought it back in his. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I love you,” Ash blurted out with another tear streaking his face. “Through normal and whatever the hell this is.” He still avoided any motion that could be interpreted as eye contact, even taking a glance at their hands and trying to drop them back at his side.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I love you too,” Eiji consoled before he could. “For forever.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Ash looked shocked, and while the expression stayed on his face, he seemed to relax as he accepted it.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Can I kiss you?” Ash asked, letting his hands fall back at his side.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“You don’t have to ask.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Ash laughed. “You know I do.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Then yes Aslan, you can kiss me.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
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